SPAMMERS!

August 11th, 2016

If you post your unintelligible drivel on this blog it will be deleted. You’re wasting your time and mine. Kindly fuck off.

The work in progress (WIP) tour.

March 15th, 2015

Sincere thanks to Christoph Fischer for inviting me to join the Work in Progress (WIP) Blog Tour. I first met Christoph via ASMSG. He bought and reviewed my novel; The Tale of the Ancient Marina, completely out of the blue. Obviously I thanked him and we have been friends since. He is a supremely gifted, award-winning author and a prolific reviewer. He also happens to be a man of immense integrity and a bloody nice bloke. His blog can be found here.

Fulfilling my blog obligation (blogligation? Nah, that doesn’t work) I’m nominating Ian Hutson and Sandra Robinson (Scarlett Flame). Ian is my favourite author, Facebook sparring partner & a very good friend, Sandra is a very successful author; “I am passionate about writing, and write about passion”. She is also a potential local councillor and UK national under-water bungee jumping champion but she doesn’t like to boast.
Ian can be found on Facebook, Twitter and on his own website.

Sandra can be found on Facebook, Twitter and on her own website

Well, work in progress. Real life has prevented me from doing much writing recently, a shame because I have tons to write about. The next novel is a permanent WIP but I haven’t touched it since before Christmas. I have ideas to fill two new short story collections; a story called “A Reptile Dysfunction” which I wrote for a competition. I’ll need to check the rules but I hope I can publish it. Two political short stories and an embryo of a story called “Comedy Heaven?”. I have ideas for four shorts exploring different versions of the same idea. Can’t say much in case someone nicks the ideas.

Rik Mayall

June 9th, 2014

I’m not normally bothered when celebs die; I didn’t know them, they didn’t know me. If I admire them or their work I may be upset; Gary Moore and Joe Strummer were the last ones who affected me. Rik Mayall has died much too young and I am deeply saddened. The Young Ones and Not the Nine O’Clock News “belonged” to my generation, they were our Goons, our Monty Python. The punk generation embraced the word “anarchy”; the attitude was anarchic, the music was anarchic and the humour was anarchic. For Kevin Turvey, Rik the people’s poet, Richard Richard, Lord Flashheart, The Comic Strip, those bloody awful Bombardier adverts and the spotty little oik in An “American Werewolf in London”, thank you for the laughter, on behalf of my generation and each one since. RIP Rik Mayall 1958 – 2014. “Why are all the children crying? Because Rik is dead. Rik the people’s poet is dead”

Disney Songs

June 6th, 2014

Everyone else does these lists so here’s my two pen’orth. I love Disney films, well, most of them. In the seventies and eighties they became formulaic and unwatchable but they got their act together in the nineties. Their master stroke was their alliance with Pixar; truly a breath of fresh air. I wanted to do a top ten but really couldn’t. I got them down to twenty one but could have easily included double that number. See if you agree with my choices.
21) “A Whole New World” from “Aladdin” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kl4hJ4j48s I hate the film but a superb song. Here’s Katie Price murdering it; https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B2vHs28RVUM

20) “Hakuna Matata” from “The Lion King” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xB5ceAruYrI I wanted to put every song from The Lion King in but couldn’t.

19) “Feed the Birds (Tuppence a Bag)” from “Mary Poppins” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W68prm4B2hQ A very moving song from a great film. Sorry about the subtitles.

18) “Heigh Ho” from “Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a30tg02JwDc Brings the memories flooding back.

17) “I Won’t Say (I’m in Love)” from “Hercules”
I wanted to include all of the songs from this one as well. Ho hum. 🙁 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Ee86DRxtHU

16) “When She Loved Me” from “Toy Story 2”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ElhbTsKsros Watch out heart strings.

15) “You’ve Got a Friend in Me” from “Toy Story”
If you were to stitch all three of the Toy Story films together it would be the best film ever made; family, animated, CGI, all irrelevant. It’s just the best.

14) “Out There” from “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZxFD7Tk8Kps Another of those films where every song is a winner.

13) “God Help the Outcasts” from “The Hunchback of Notre Dame” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0pLCDnbBEk0 See?

12) “Baby Mine” from “Dumbo” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=calHOKucYMw Altogether now… Aaaaaaah

11) “Gaston” from “Beauty and the Beast”
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VuJTqmpBnI0 Great song, very funny.

10) “Be Prepared” from “The Lion King”. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XkU23m6yX04 Just spectacular!

9) “Colours of the Wind” from “Pocahontas” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TkV-of_eN2w Wonderful song with a strong ecological message

8) “Be Our Guest” from “Beauty and the Beast” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=afzmwAKUppU A real show stopper

7) “Give a Little Whistle” from “Pinocchio” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DOZzNOkcEgM Pure charm on celluloid.

6) “Ev’rybody Wants to Be a Cat” from “The Aristocats” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=O7fF_loQEcw The jazziest Disney ever

5) “When You Wish Upon a Star” from “Pinocchio” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pguMUFyJ3_U The first few notes form the jingle at the beginning of all Disney presentations

4) “I’ve Got No Strings” from “Pinocchio” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kQC5bQKPj6o Funny, original and again; charming

3) “The Bare Necessities” from “The Jungle Book” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vbf4weFbuS8 Who doesn’t love this?

2) “I Wan’na Be Like You” from “The Jungle Book” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JDzlhW3XTM Or this?

1) “Circle of Life” from “The Lion King” https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HwSKkKrUzUk Here it is, the ultimate Disney song. The most breathtaking four minutes of cinema ever made

Only my opinion, what do you think?

My first blog tour

May 17th, 2014

I am grateful and honoured to have been invited to this blog tour by Tony Gilbert, see his blog here; http://tonygilbertauthor.weebly.com/
Known as “the writing process tour”, it’s aim is to give an insight into how (or why) we do what we do.
1) What am I working on?
I write when inspiration strikes; I’m kicking three short story ideas around at the moment; one horror (my first!), a skiffy about a time-travelling sat-nav and a skiffy about an EPROM chip with a personality disorder. The next novel, “All the Loft Insulation You Can Eat”; the sequel to “The Tale of the Ancient Marina”, is an ongoing thing. “Marina took ten years to write so don’t hold your breath. If you don’t know what a “skiffy” is please visit my Amazon author page.

2) How does my work differ from others of its genre?
Comedy-thriller is a pretty limited genre. The truth is; I never intended to write a thriller, I just wanted to write a funny book. Only when people started reading it was I told it was a thriller. It’s set in Bolton (pretty unique!) and the humour is very British… Very English… Very northern English. My short stories conform to genre rules except I can’t help throwing in a bit of humour. It’s just the way my mind works (if it ever does).

3) Why do I write what I do?
Why not? I write what I enjoy reading. I’m one of my own favourite authors. That might sound arrogant but if you aren’t a fan of your own work how do you expect anyone else to be?

4) How does my writing process work?
Idea, write, dislike, rewrite, delete, rewrite, rewrite again, publish, accept due adulation and riches.

I am proud and dare I say chuffed?… I think I dare… chuffed to pass on the blog baton to Jake Drake, Perry Gamsby and genuinely my favourite author; Ian Hutson.
Jake Drake
.
Jacob Drake is the author of various Fantasy, Horror and Science Fiction books. His only problem in writing is not having enough time to write to completion all the stories he gets in his head. “If I wrote constantly until the day I died I still would never be able to exhaust the imagination that is the source of these stories.
Once his first book ‘Parallels’ was published online he was like a little kid on Christmas morning with a tree filled with presents underneath.
Now he works on getting his latest novels written so they can join the rest of his ‘family’ of eBooks that are now available on all the eBook retailers’ sites.
If you enjoy any of the genres Jacob writes – and who doesn’t these days – take a look at what he’s written. You’re sure to find something that catches your imagination.
You can purchase Jake’s eBooks on Barnes & Noble, Amazon, and Smashwords.
http://fantasyramblings.blogspot.com/

Perry Gamsby

Perry Gamsby, D.Lit., MA(Writing), Dip. Business is an eWriter who is passionate about eWriting. Why? Because that is how he makes his living. Online writing, web content, web publishing, eBooks, ad copy and any other form of electronic writing are where he makes some of his income. Perry also lectures on eWriting, business and personal safety so he not only diversifies his income streams, he gets out from behind his iMac and talks to other humans face to face.

A former Military Policeman, private investigator, security consultant and self defence instructor, Perry has also enjoyed time in sales and marketing before deciding to dedicate his life to his family and his own enjoyment of the finite time we all have in this life. In 2009 while undergoing experimental robotic surgery to repair a prolapsed mitral valve, Perry died and was brought back to life, spending the next 8 days in a coma. This truly was a life changing event and one that made him take a long, hard look at what is truly important to an individual. It certainly isn’t swapping chunks of his life for dollars and then not having enough chunks left for family to do things with those dollars.

http://www.perrygamsby.net/about/#sthash.njUrxVLy.dpuf

Ian Hutson.

Born during tiffin at half-past nineteen-sixty. Grew up initially in Hong Kong speaking only Cantonese, then bounced around living some really boring places and some brilliant places, such as the Isle of Lewis in Scotland’s Outer Hebrides. Lived in seventeen different homes as a child, attending twelve different schools and missing one complete year at age nine years, while living in Banham Zoo in Norfolk. Home there was between the monkeys and the bears, looking out over the penguins and the wolves (these latter two were in separate habitats of course).

During the eighties was recruited into the British Civil Service, studied for a B.A. in Operational Research Systems Analysis, then an M.A. in Industrial Relations. Thrown out of the Civil Service, worked for a few multi-nationals such as ITSA, EDS, AVIVA. Thrown out of the multi-nationals, started own businesses. Went splendidly bankrupt, ended up in County Court in front of a seriously lovely Judge and lost house, car and valuables but not liberty, to the banks and to Her Majesty’s Official Receivers. The name Hutson was rather deliciously struck off the register at Companies House and black-balled at the Club (although was allowed to keep buttons and sword not snapped).

Now lives in uber-serious penury in a corner of a field in Lincolnshire, England, as a peacenik, vegan, non-theist hippie and when not writing spends his time wandering the lanes ranting at sparrows and the occasional passing tractor. Is a very lucky, and a very happy chappy indeed.

The Diesel-Electric Elephant Company – http://www.dieselelectricelephant.co.uk

viewAuthor.at/AaronDavid

May 13th, 2014

http://t.co/0F1SAkbkK6

English

May 1st, 2014

My beloved Mother tongue; where do I begin? The reasons to love it are very often the reasons to hate it. As old as it is it constantly evolves, changes and accommodates. It imports words from other languages, it gradually accepts slang words. Full of contradictions, rules become obsolete from one generation to the next. “I before E except after C” no longer applies since words like “reintegrate” became unhyphenated.
Wind… wound. Find… found. Blind… blinded.
Gun… gunned. Pun… punned. Run… ran.
Ring… rang… rung. Sing… sang…sung. Ping… pinged. Ding… dinged.
Why is “upholstery” not pronounced “uffolstery”?
“Ough” has eight pronunciations… EIGHT! Bough, though, through, rough, cough, hiccough, thorough and bought
Pet peeves; Incorrect use of “whilst”; “amongst” and “among” mean the same, “amidst” and “amid” mean the same, “while” and “whilst” don’t mean the same. “While” refers specifically to time whilst “whilst” means “whereas” (see what I did there?). “I waited at the garage while my car was being repaired”. “My wife’s car was running well whilst my car was knackered”.
Unnecessary use of “that”; “I thought that you were at work.” The “that” is completely superfluous. “I thought you were at work”.
There seems to be some confusion regarding “I” and “me”; “Michael and I went to the park” or “Michael and me went to the park”. It’s easy to work out; just remove the other person. “I went to the park” makes sense, “me went to the park” doesn’t therefore “Michael and I went to the park”. “There was a message for Michael and me” or “there was a message for Michael and I”, again “There was a message for me” makes sense.

Climate Change.

February 14th, 2014

Is climate change happening? YES! Look out of the window. Is it our fault? I’m not so sure, don’t get me wrong, I know we’re a filthy species; we leave death, destruction and dirt wherever we go. Any excuse or reason to get humans to clean up their act has to be good but I think it’s typical human arrogance to assume we’re responsible. We seem to assume we have ‘inherited’ the Earth; it’s finished, it’s done, it’s a completed project… It isn’t. Climate change has always happened and always will. The Earth is constantly evolving and changing; the beautiful landscapes of Scotland were formed when Scotland was a volcano field. Immensely violent forces produced those stunning views. The breathtaking valleys of Wales weren’t all formed by erosion; most were formed when landmasses collided and the land literally corrugated. In 2011 a massive earthquake moved Japan by eight feet. Eventually Australia will collide with Asia. This stuff is happening and will continue long after our grubby species has gone. By all means recycle your rubbish and drive electric cars but don’t kid yourself that we run the world.

New Year’s Resolution

January 3rd, 2014

I’ve lived on this planet long enough to know new year’s resolutions rarely last beyond January, if they make it into January in the first place. Sooooo, I resolve not to make any more. This is not a resolution, it’s a life-altering decision which coincidentally occurred very close to new year;
I will write more.
For most of the last year I’ve been marketing and learning about marketing. Want to know what I’ve learned?
1. I’m bloody useless at it.
2. it can increase your Twitter followers and Facebook friends.
3. It’s very unlikely to do much for sales.
4. #3 is probably due to #1.

While I was ‘marketing’ I hardly even opened the file for my next novel, I just couldn’t find the time. I did manage to squeeze out a collection of short stories which I’m very chuffed with. As of now I will write and hope people find my stuff and like it. I intend to blog much more regularly so watch this space.
It occurred to me that regularly blogging is a lot like a vicar or a priest coming up with a sermon every week; taking something that happens in life and talking/writing about it.
“I went to the newsagent’s shop today and I was reminded of the time Jesus went to the newsagent’s shop; he bought a copy of the Sun, some smokey bacon crisps and a scratchcard. You know, we’re all Jesus’ scratchcards in a way…..”
You probably gathered I’m areligious. 🙂
Anywho, expect more from me here and hopefully, with practice I’ll get better.

Ed Milliband gets tough with energy companies.

September 25th, 2013

Oooooooooooh! The energy companies must be shitting themselves lest they incur the wrath of the great and powerful Ed. “Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!”
After buggering up the economy yet again the Tories have been left to clean up the mess. If the Tories use the phrase “inherited recession” over & over it’s because Labour use the phrase “World recession” constantly. It wasn’t a World recession; many large economies were unaffected. Gordon Brown; texture like sun, took a healthy economy (inherited), borrowed unnecessarily, sold off the country’s treasure, maxed-out the country’s credit cards and deregulated the banks to create a fake boom. Then he came up with one of the most ludicrous statements ever spoken by someone who should know better; “An end to boom and bust”. In 2008 the inevitable happened and we landed in one of the worst recessions in history. The note on the treasurer’s desk said it all; “Dear chief secretary, I’m afraid there is no money. Kind regards – and good luck! Liam.” Now the Tories are getting the economy back on track, contrary to Labour’s predictions Ed thinks he can conjure up support by appearing tough on the energy companies leaving them with three options if Labour win the election (fat chance);
1. hike prices before the price freeze.
2. hike prices after the price freeze.
3. go bust during the price freeze.
Whichever happens it will be bad news for the consumer.
The British voters are not stupid, naive or forgetful. Labour will have to go a long way to gain any credibility and I predict Mr Milliband (Ed anyway) will never be PM.